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from Saudi Arabia
he does not care
the grandfather
"inch'allah
your two daughters will die"
at that point
I realized that I was trapped
he could divorce me on the same day
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de Marie
I turned then to my father-in-law and kissed his
foot
medical cast on my arm
I was afraid of my husband who might have an excess
of madness and drunkenness
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my husband refuses to stand before the judge
In theory it's beautiful, but in practice it's a
nightmare
they are a big and wealthy family in Saudi Arabia
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2)
what really happened to my children and me
Since my return from Saudi
Arabia with my children, a lot of new things have happened to
us. We are free, that's the most important point,
but the hardest thing is to build a new life - as a single mother
- for my two daughters. I do not receive any help from the
father of my children, or from his family.
I tried to talk to my husband
but he refuses to help me or our daughters, stating that because
I asked for a divorce, I should assume alone the responsibilities
and face all of the consequences alone; never mind that my children
are suffering, he does not care. The only option he gives me
is to come back with him to Saudi Arabia and be a good wife,
then he will provide for all of us.
He is sure that in a few
months i will beg him to take me back out of misery and desperation;
but I prefer misery and poverty for my daughters and me
rather than continue the life that I left behind.
And if there is one gift
that i can give to my two daughters Mezna (4 years) and Salma
(2 years), it will be FREEDOM and a solid education.
"inch'allah your
two daughters will die"
I have contacted the grandfather
(Mr.ABDELAZIZ ABDALLAH HASSAN AL-NAIM) and the uncle (Mr.
ABDALLAH ABDELAZIZ HASSAN AL NAIM). The answer I got from the
grandfather first was: "inch'allah your two daughters will
die" and from my brother-in-law :" I don't care and
I'm ready to help you only if you come back to Saudi Arabia ".
Coming from two people who trapped
me in the first place and lied to me by convincing me to come
to Saudi Arabia with the plan to lock up my children and
me to live and stay by force in their country.
My father-in-law pretended
he was dying and asked me in tears if he could see his two granddaughters
at least one last time before his death. He kept swearing that
he would protect me from my husband and that I could leave his
country at my convenience with my children.
Full of trust, I went over
there to see my dying father-in-law and let him see his two granddaughters
before his make believe death. On arrival in Dammam on the 1st
of May 2002 I could barely believe what I saw: my
father-in-law wasn't there on his deathbed, but was
travelling and came back only on the date of my return flight,
which I never took. From the time of my arrival, I kept asking
for news about my father-in-law's return and the only answer
I got was "soon!".
Finally, on the morning of
the 11th of May - my departure date from Saudi Arabia - my husband
informed me that my father-in-law had finally come home and that
I should get ready to visit him: I prepared my kids and
was ready to go when my husband told me to come alone without
my children. At that point I realized that I was trapped.
I followed my husband, full
of fear. As soon as I entered my father-in-law's house I
understood that something was very wrong, I kissed my husband's
parents on the forehead and my sister-in-law ( Mrs. Munira Abdelaziz
Al-Naim) and sat down. My husband then grabbed my arm and asked
me to follow him to another room, followed by the whole family.
I was on the floor like
an animal
There was a man seated,
a total stranger to me, My husband immediately started to scream
at me that I was not a faithful wife, that I was a whore, a bad
mother, responsible for the loss of his entire fortune - all
this in front of my husband's family. I was on the floor like
an animal, crying and screaming, begging for mercy and knowing
that the only purpose of this whole little masquerade was to
take my children away from me.
After a few minutes I summoned
my pride and stood up. I asked the seated man who he was.
When he told me that he was a judge and that my husband had asked
him to come so that he could divorce me on the same day and send
me back to my country without my children, I told him that
I wanted to contact the Swiss and French Embassies in Riad. They
told me this was not neccessary and that they could do nothing
for me, that I had no rights, even with the triple nationalities
of my two children.
I called my Mum with my cell
phone to tell her that I was done for, that they were going to
take and keep my babies and that I would never see them again,
that this trip was a plan made by my husband and my in-laws to
take my daughters from me and to raise them like perfect little
Saudis.
My Mum was desperate, told
me to hang on that she would immediately call the Embassies,
which is exactly what she did.
At the same time, my husband
asked me to sign some papers written in Arabic. First I refused
and asked to have them translated into English, but then, at
the request of my husband, the pretending judge pulled out some
other papers and put them right next to the one that I was refusing
to sign, telling me that if I wanted to continue to refuse to
sign, my husband would sign the other papers and that I would
be automatically divorced on the spot, and would have to leave
on the same day for Geneva.
When I told them that I refused
to leave without my children, the pretending judge said he would
contact the Embassies so they would be present and that the police
would handcuff me and take me to the plane.
I turned then to my father-in-law
and kissed his foot
I turned then to my father-in-law
and kissed his foot, begging him to protect me. He said that
I had what I deserved because I had wanted to divorce his
son in the first place.
My husband, seeing me in
this state of pain and fear, felt pity for me, I think, because
he told the man in Arabic that if I signed these papers, he would
not divorce me, but would let me live in the same house as my
children. Again I begged my father-in-law to protect me as he
had promised. He did not even look me in the eyes, but answered
me that from now on, I should just behave like a Saudi woman,
that I was no different from my sisters-in-law, that I should
start praying, covering my self totally when I was out in public
or with them, that I should fast...
I couldn't believe what I
was hearing, and knew at that time that I could expect nothing
from any of them.
They did not care about the
reasons I had for wanting to divorce, why I was unhappy with
my husband, about the years of abuse, violence, beating. They
did not remember how on many occasions I had gone to them asking
them to protect me from my husband; once I even went to see to
my father-in-law with guns and a revolver, and bullets in a plastic
bag, asking him to keep them because I was afraid of my husband
who might have an excess of madness and drunkenness (just a reminder:
alcohol is totally forbidden by Islam and not allowed in
the Holy Land of the prophet Mohamed) that he would try
to kill me as he had said he would for many years.
That at one point I had run
in pyjamas in the middle of the night to my brother-in-law (Mr.ABDALLAH
ABDELAZIZ HASSAN AL-NAIM) crossing barefoot the two gardens which
separated our two houses, his wife opening the door after more
than fifteen long minutes. He wasn't there, so his wife, not
knowing what to do, called him to tell him that I was in tears
and that he should speak to me (that was in December 2001). I
told him that my husband was going to beat me again like
he did the night before, on the evening of the New Year's eve;
he told me not to move, that he would speak to his brother and
call me back, which he did. He then told me I had nothing more
to fear, that he had spoken to his brother and that I should
go back to my house, and that in half an hour he would be
there.
I went back to my house;
but he never came, not caring at all what could have happened
to me. I have in mind hundreds of memories like this; it is only
now that I start to realize that love should not be painful and
that I have been a victim of my husband's cruelty for more than
ten years.
I met my husband when I was
young - 17 years old. Not having had a father during my childhood,
a big gap had been created in my life. My husband filled that
gap and abused my love and trust.
Without any help from
my husband
Since my return I have had to
assume responsibility for the future of my two children without
any help from my husband or his family. I also have to deal with
the judicial system to legalize my divorce in Switzerland; this
could really take time since my husband refuses to stand before
the judge, pretending, like his father, that his health
wouldn't allow him to travel and that he is depressive. I also
have to deal with the lies he's trying to spread to
the people I know.
We are all living with my
mother and my brother; thank God I have them, otherwise I would
be in the street with my two small children. Since August 2002,
my ex-husband has not sent me any money (for 3 months), nothing.
For me, this is proof that he does not care about the well being
of his children and that he is totally irresponsible.
Sometimes when his daughters
want to speak to him he does'nt answer, but keeps hanging up
the phone. This is a horrible situation; how can I explain all
this to my 4- and 2-year-old without hurting them?
Daily I have to deal with
a lot of hard things; and in most situations I wish I had the
solutions, but right now, I don't. I just take my life a day
at a time hoping that some light will come through one day, soon.
I just have to keep my head straight, because I am all that my
children have left.
I'm working now to write
a book about life in Saudi Arabia in a typical family, about
the difficulties that I faced, and finally about our return to
Geneva. I don't believe in bi-cultural marriage anymore, and
I wish to alert women from a Christian background not to marry
Muslims. In theory, it's beautiful, but in practice it's a nightmare.
I still have a small hope
that we could work out our differences for the sake of our two
daughters, but the sad thing is that I could never trust him
again, even if he were sincere.
We brought our two children into
this world out of love.
My dearest hope is that this
country (Saudi Arabia) might free itself from its Middle Age
ways and become a modern nation. I was frightened while in Saudi
Arabia with my children against my wish to discover that my children
and I as FRENCH and SWISS citizens could not be helped in any
way by the Embassies because of the laws of the country.
As a parent. I strongly believe
that we have no rights over our children, only duties toward
them. Since my return to Geneva, I have been in a very critical
financial situation. I am still hoping that my husband or his
family, especially the grandfather of my two daughters, might
help to provide for his grandchildren
Especially since they are a big
and wealthy family in Saudi Arabia. My daughters should not be
affected by our disputes, it does not concern them. I think the
family should secure their upbringing so that I can raise them
in dignity so that they should not have to face poverty.
Since the familly of Abdelaziz
Abdallah Al-Naim says that they love our two daughters as their
own and they are known in their country for always helping the
poor, they should support MEZNA (4 years old) and SALMA (2 years
old) as well as help my husband to get back on his feet.
I have had a few discussions
since my return to Geneva with my father-in-law who has not been
constructive at all. Absolutely no solutions or any kind of help
from him were proposed when I begged him to be generous enough
to help his son, not to reject him and to provide for my two
daughters so that they have a roof over their heads, food in
their mouths and clothes on their backs; but I am still hoping
that he could help all of us.
For a man of his culture and
religion, I do not understand why he has been so unkind. I still
respect him and used to love him as my own father, but I cannot
understand his ways of thinking.
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